Book Review: Cthulhu 2000

Book Review: 'Cthulhu 2000' 

edited by Jim Turner

 3 / 5 Stars

'Cthulhu 2000' first was published in hardback in 1995 by Arkham House. This Del Rey trade paperback version (398 pp.) was issued in June, 1999 and features cover art by Bob Eggleton.

The stories and novelettes compiled in 'Cthulhu 2000' all first saw print in the interval from 1964 to 1993. 

I should note that the selections in 'Cthulhu 2000' have mild horror content. They were not intended to explore the Mythos in the splatterpunk manner of Alan Moore (with, for example, his Neonomicon and Providence properties), but rather, to see how different authors take inspiration from Lovecraft and his view of the cosmos.

My capsule summaries of the contents:

The Introduction is provided by Jim Turner (1945 - 1999), who was an editor at Arkham House from 1973 to 1996. It's badly overwritten and more than a little pretentious (for example, at one point, Turner uses the adjective 'perdurable'). Rather than remarking on the stories, as an anthology editor is supposed to do, Turner tries to use the Introduction as a vehicle to demonstrate his erudition concerning the universality of all things Lovecraftian. I was bored.

The Barrens, by F. Paul Wilson (1990): Jonathan Creighton is a seeker of Eldritch Knowledge and hopes to find it in the wilderness of the New Jersey Pine Barrens. A decent Mythos tale.

Pickman's Modem, by Lawrence Watt-Evans (1992): Henry Pickman likes to participate in online chat rooms. The problem is, his PC's modem is of unusual design. A clever updating of the Mythos for the early 1990s, and the age of America Online, DOS, and floppy disks. One of the better entries in 'Cthulhu 2000'.

Shaft Number 247, by Basil Copper (1980): in a dystopian future, within the confines of a massive underground city, something odd is happening. This story has an interesting sci-fi / dieselpunk setting, but the denouement is too restrained to be effective.

His Mouth Will Taste of Wormwood, by Poppy Z. Brite (1990): two bored Goths try to spice up their jaded lives by dabbling in occult rituals. Laced with splatterpunk imagery, and tinged with carefully crafted notes of squalor, this is a standout piece in the anthology. 

The Adder, by Fred Chappel (1989): Uncle Alvin drops a book off with his nephew for safekeeping. The problem is, the book is an excerpt from the Necronomicon......This story has a decidedly 'literary' quality, dependent as it is on myriad excerpts from the poetry of Milton. I can't say I found it electrifying.

Fat Face, by Michael Shea (1987): two Working Girls in L.A.'s red-light district attract the attention of an odd man whose office in a nearby building offers 'hydrotherapy'. Shea's overwriting handicaps this story, which otherwise could have been a good entry in the Mythos canon.  

The Big Fish, by Kim Newman (1993): Los Angeles, February, 1942, and a private eye is investigating the whereabouts of a major underworld figure. Could the weird 'Church of Dagon' in Venice Beach shed some light on the subject ? Newman's story is a carefully crafted homage to Chandleresque private-eye fiction.  

"I Had Vacantly Crumpled It into My Pocket......But By God, Eliot, It Was a Photograph from Life !", by Joanna Russ (1964): Irving Rubin, a virgin and geek, meets the woman of his dreams. Or is she ? This story's relevance to the Mythos is negligible.

H. P. L., by Gahan Wilson (1990): a Fanboy travels to Providence, and meets Howard Phillips Lovecraft in the flesh. Although....... it's 1990, the Great Man is 100 years old, and in seemingly very good health. But didn't H.P.L. die in 1937 ?! An affectionate treatment of H.P.L. and his legacy.

The Unthinkable, by Bruce Sterling (1991): what if the Cold War had been waged with Eldritch Magic ? This is one of Sterling's most imaginative short stories, and the best entry in the anthology.

Black Man with A Horn, by T. E. D. Klein (1980): a Christian missionary returns from a remote region of Malaysia, with disturbing tales of a malevolent entity who is worshipped and feared by the natives. This novelette has the strengths and weaknesses of Klein's fiction: the plot unfolds in a well-composed and deliberate manner, but the denouement is purposely vague in order to emphasize the 'quiet' flavor of horror. 

Love's Eldritch Ichor, by Esther M. Friesner (1990): Robin Pennyworth, a downtrodden editor at a romance novel publishing house, is assigned a manuscript from a Miss Pickman of Arkham, Massachusetts. The manuscript is quite unusual for a romance novel...........for example, what author would use the adjective 'batrachian' ? This is a comedic story, that quickly becomes too cutesy for its own good. 

The Last Feast of Harlequin, by Thomas Ligotti (1990): the first-person narrator is an academic who specializes in the anthropology of the clown figure. Hearing about a Winter Solstice festival, featuring clowns, held in the remote town of Mirocaw, he decides to attend. And discovers there are Eldritch Mysteries underlying the town's eccentricities. While slow-paced and deliberate, this story is a very good homage to the Mythos, and delivers requisite horror in its closing pages. Another of the better entries in this anthology.

The Shadow on the Doorstep, by James P. Blaylock (1986): the first-person narrator relates his history of examining unusual aquariums. A story that relies on atmosphere and mood, and doesn't offer much of a payoff.

Lord of the Land, by Gene Wolfe (1990): Cooper, a scholar of folklore and Eldritch Knowledge, interviews a Tennessee man about a strange apparition. The premise is interesting, but this is not really a hardcore Mythos tale.

The Faces at Pine Dunes, by Ramsey Campbell (1980): Michael and his creepy parents are 'travellers', and have parked their caravan at the eponymous campground. Strange things are happening in the wooded area adjoining the Pine Dunes. Campbell's prose is as florid as ever ('.....a sea dark as mud tossed nervously and flopped across the bleak beach'). But there is a functioning plot, and sufficient allusions to the Mythos, to make this tale a convincing Cthulhu encounter.

On the Slab, by Harlan Ellison (1981): an overwrought retelling of an ancient Greek myth. Its qualification as an entry in the Mythos is faint, at best. I have been tired of Harlan for a while, now..........

24 Views of Mt. Fuji, by Hokusai, by Roger Zelazny (1985): a woman named Mari conducts a pilgrimage in the vicinity of Mount Fuji. We are gradually informed that she is going to contest with a cyber entity for the Fate of the World.

This novelette is the longest, and least impressive, of the entries in 'Cthulhu 2000'. Zelazny writes as if the New Wave approach to diction still operated in 1985 (the year this story was published) and as a result '24 Views' is burdened with stilted, pretentious prose. The story picks up momentum in its final pages and reveals that, had Zelazny observed a degree of restraint, '24 Views' could have been memorable, instead of disappointing.

The verdict on 'Cthulhu 2000' ? There simply are too many duds to raise this anthology higher than a three star Rating. Mythos aficionados will want a copy, but others can pass on it without penalty. 

National Lampoon March 1976

National Lampoon
March 1976

It's March, 1976, and the number-one song on the Billboard Hot 100 is 'December 1963 (Oh What A Night)' by the Four Seasons, and the latest issue of National Lampoon is on the stands.

The advertising sees continued representation of Hereford's 'Cows' beverages. These seem to be a kind of alcoholic milkshake ?! (I've never had one).

Grand Funk, now known as Grand Funk Railroad, has released a new album, Born to Die.

This issue of the Lampoon takes aim at Nelson Rockefeller. By 1976, Rockefeller was kind of a passe figure to be satirizing, and this can be seen as a sign that the Lampoon staff were getting out of touch on the political front.

Also being advertised is a strange new form of media, 'Fiction Illustrated', something we nowadays call a 'graphic novel'. The advertisement uses the term 'adult comic'. I've never read 'Schlomo Raven', but it was a early project from Byron Preiss, a man who did much to pave the way for the concept of graphic novels.

The color comic presented in this March issue is 'Turtle Farms of South America', which, in my opinion, is not very good.

This cartoon from Sam Gross works better:

Underground comix artist Bobby London provides a 'Dirty Duck' episode:

M. K. Brown contributes a weird 'Mr. Science' comic:

And then we have Gahan Wilson's 'Nuts'.

That's how it was, 47 years ago !

Book Review: Alfred Hitchcock Presents: Stories That Scared Even Me

Book Review: 'Alfred Hitchcock Presents: Stories That Scared Even Me'

Edited by Robert Arthur

5 / 5 Stars

'Alfred Hitchcock Presents: Stories That Scared Even Me' (463 pp.) was published in hardback by Random House in 1967. Edited by Robert Arthur, it compiles stories, novelettes, and a novel all first published during the interval from 1913 to 1967, in a variety of magazines and anthologies.

Much of the contents of 'Scared Even Me' later were repackaged in the Dell paperbacks 'Alfred Hitchcock Presents: Scream Along With Me' (1970) and 'Alfred Hitchcock Presents: Slay Ride' (1971).

Over the course of 2022 I've become quite interested in these old Hitchcock anthologies. I first encountered the franchise as a teenager in the 1970s, and I read quite a few of the Dell paperbacks and I even have some of them stored away in a box in my basement. Back in the 70s I considered the Hitchcock anthologies to be staid compared to the emerging horror anthologies of the era, such as DAW's 'The Year's Best Horror Stories', so I never regarded them as being all that hip. 

However, I'm finding that the Hitchcock anthologies well are worth another look.

Below are my capsule summaries of the contents of 'Stories That Scared Even Me'. Note: in some instances, I've recycled my summaries from the Dell paperback 'Alfred Hitchcock Presents: Scream Along with Me'.

Fishhead, by Irvin S. Cobb (1913): the eponymous backwoods resident isn't someone you want to anger.

Camera Obscura, by Basil Copper (1965): a moneylender meets the intriguing Dr. Gingold.

A Death in the Family, by Miriam Allen deFord (1961): oldie but goodie about a man with peculiar habits.

Men Without Bones, by Gerald Kersh (1954): neat little tale mixing sci-fi with horror in the depths of the Central American jungle. This story originally appeared in Esquire magazine in August, 1954.

Not with A Bang, by Damon Knight (1949): the Last Man on Earth and the Last Woman on Earth face an awkward future.

Party Games, by John Burke (1965): Simon Potter, a troubled little boy, shows up at Ronny Jarman's birthday party. Rambunctious, contumacious, snotnosed urchins had best not trifle with Simon. This story demonstrates that occasionally, more graphic horror content would surface in a Hitchcock anthology. 

X Marks the Pedwalk, by Fritz Leiber (1963): violent conflict between pedestrians and motorists in a near-future America. One of Leiber's best short stories.

Curious Adventure of Mr. Bond, by Nugent Barker (1965): this story originally appeared in 1939 in The Cornhill Magazine, and later in Best Tales of Terror 2, a UK horror anthology. The eponymous Mr. Bond finds himself lost on a country ramble. To his relief, he comes across an inn..........and its most peculiar innkeepers. This story relies on surrealism for its effect, but does it well, providing a creepy undertone to the proceedings. 

Two Spinsters, by E. Phillips Oppenheim (1926): on a dark and rainy night in the wilds of Devonshire, England, Erneston Grant seeks shelter in a dilapidated cottage. Author Oppenheim was a prolific, and best-selling, novelist during the interval from 1900 to 1943.

The Knife, by Robert Arthur (1951): it's not just an ordinary utensil. I suspect most readers will see where the plot is going well in advance. I would argue that 'The Knife' ably prefigures two of the most provocative stories in Harlan Ellison's 1967 anthology Dangerous Visions.

The Cage by Ray Russell (1959): A young and scheming countess, her elderly and trusting husband, and an enigmatic overseer who dresses all in black. What could possibly go wrong ?! 

It, by Theodore Sturgeon (1940): old-school tale of the predecessor to the 'swamp monsters' of the 1970s (like the Man-Thing and the Swamp-Thing).

Casablanca, by Thomas M. Disch (1967): a middle-aged American couple, self-absorbed and dismissive, find their vacation in Morocco abruptly upended. 

First published in New Worlds magazine, this is a very well-plotted and well-written story, with low-key sci-fi overtones. 'Casablanca' had me concluding that when Disch wasn't trying so hard to turn out 'speculative fiction' pieces (like 'The Squirrel Cage') for the New Wave movement, he was quite capable of writing very good, 'traditional' short stories.

The Road to Mictlantecutli, by Adobe James (1965): Morgan, a ruthless criminal, is travelling on a deserted road in Mexico. The strange sights and passions he encounters will lead him to change his life........for good, or for ill.

'Adobe James' was the pseudonym of American writer James Moss Cardwell (1926 – 1990), who had his short stories published in a variety of magazines and anthologies during the 1960s, 1970s, and 1980s. 

'Road' first appeared in issue 20 of the Adam Bedside Reader, and went on to be a staple entry in many anthologies, including The Sixth Pan Book of Horror Stories (1965) and The Arbor House Treasury of Horror and the Supernatural (1981). It skillfully imbues supernatural gongs-on with a moral theme, and in my opinion, is one of the best horror stories of the sixties.

Guide to Doom, by Ellis Peters (1963): short-short tale of a chateau with a disturbing history. 'Ellis Peters' was the pseudonym of UK writer Edith Mary Pargeter, whose 'Brother Cadfael' mysteries were very succesful.

The Estuary, by Margaret St. Clair (1950): another short-short tale, and perennial anthology favorite.

Tough Town by William Sambrot (1957): a travelling salesman finds himself in the wrong kind of town.

The Troll, by T.H. White (1935): mild tale about a creature from Scandinavian fable.

Evening at the Black House, by Robert Somerlott (1964):  this first appeared in Cosmopolitan magazine (?!). It's a tale with a twist at the end. Well done.

One of the Dead, by William Wood (1964):  this story originally appeared in The Saturday Evening Post in October 31, 1964 (the illustration below is from that issue). While a bit over-written, it's one of the better psychological horror stories I've read. 

It adroitly combines the haunted house trope with insightful observations about the anomie of mid-century suburban life in Los Angeles. There is an undertone of creepiness that comes to fruition in the story's final sentence. I finished 'One of the Dead' thinking that this sole story from Wood is markedly superior to many stories originating from better-known 'quiet horror' practitioners like Robert Aickman, T. E. D. Klein, Dennis Etchison, and Charles L. Grant. 

Information about author Wood is scant. According to the Science Fiction Encyclopedia he may have been a UK author, who wrote a 1962 novel titled The News from Karachi.

The Real Thing, by Robert Specht (1966): short-short about the village simpleton, with a 'shock' ending.

The Master of the Hounds, by Algis Budrys (1966): strange things are happening in rural New Jersey. Another story that first saw print in The Saturday Evening Post. Who would have thought The Post published so many horror / suspense stories back in the day ?!

The Candidate, by Henry Slesar (1961): corporate competitiveness gets a new dimension. Another story that reinforces my belief that Slesar (1927 -2002) was one of the more talented short-short story writers of the second half of the 20th century.  

Out of the Deeps , by John Wyndham (1953): Mike and his wife Phyllis, two reporters for a broadcast company in the UK, witness a strange aerial phenomenon while on a cruise near the Azores islands. It turns out to be the opening stages of an alien invasion.

First published in the UK as 'The Kraken Wakes', some 70 years later this remains one of the best novels in the 'alien invasion' genre of sci-fi. It is written with author Wyndham's usual understated prose style, and unfolds in a deliberate manner that is all the more effective for keeping the identities of the adversaries vague (and ultimately unknowable).

Summing up, after reading 'Alfred Hitchcock Presents: Stories That Scared Even Me' I felt comfortable with awarding the anthology a 5 star rating. The stories by Kersh, Burke, Leiber, Barker, Oppenheim, James, Disch, Wood, and Wyndham, in particular, well have stood the test of time and give the collection an impact that many other anthologies of suspense and horror tales of the 1960s and 1970s failed to match. 

Paintings by Brad Johannsen

Paintings by Brad Johannsen

from the collection of Mark Suall

In response to one of my postings about the artist Brad Johannsen, who in the 1970s did the book Occupied Spaces, as well as album cover artwork for a number of musicians, Mark Suall contacted me.

He owns a number of original works by Johannsen, and provided me with some jpg files that I have posted below.

Mark Suall's remarks on the paintings:

The oil (i.e., Dean Martin and Sammy Davis, Jr.) was produced in 2000. 

The Golda Meir portrait is from the early 70s. 

The Coney Island face was done for me as a favor around 1995. 

The boy with rifle is an altered reproduction of an Avedon photo my band wanted to use. Produced around 1993. 

Remembering Reptilian Records

Remembering Reptilian Records
Fell's Point, Baltimore, 1990s

As I get older, I find myself thinking back to those days, over 30 years ago, when I was a graduate student living in Baltimore. I didn't have much money, so I was on the lookout for cheap thrills. And a good place to find them was a dark and anarchistic little boutique in the city's Fell's Point neighborhood: Reptilian Records. 

Back then, Baltimore was known as 'Charm City', as well as 'The City that Reads', the latter slogan dreamed up by a tourism and marketing campaign (the slogan quickly was transformed into 'The City that Breeds' by knowledgeable Baltimoreans and urban hipsters). The city was comparatively safer than it is nowadays, although you took care in where you went after dark.

There still were working-class redoubts in the northern and eastern parts of the city, in neighborhoods like Highlandtown, Hampden, Roland Park, Keswick, and Dundalk, while in the downtown area, the Inner Harbor remained a major tourist draw. Some of the best pizza in the city could be had at Matthew's, on Eastern Avenue in Highlandtown.

Reptilian opened in November, 1989, at 403 South Broadway Street and quickly became the 'in' place to go for vinyl, and later CDs, in the genres of punk, thrash metal, speed metal, and the burgeoning grunge rock movement. Since I was 31 when I began patronizing Reptilian late in 1991, I was a little too old and set in my ways to have much interest in bands like Fugazi. 

But along with records, Reptilian also sold the more offbeat comic books, graphic novels, magazines, and the occasional book. You could find the latest issue of comics from Dark Horse, Eclipse, Tundra, Kitchen Sink, and other indie publishers, along with higher-end publications like 'Raw'. They had boxes stuffed with ultraviolent, 'transgressive' black-and-white horror comics from quasi-underground publishers like Northstar.

I have fond memories of visiting Reptilian on gray, drizzly, cold days, or in searingly hot summer days, and coming away with 'Aliens' comics from Dark Horse, 'Black Hole' and 'Death Rattle' from Kitchen Sink, a copy of 'Taboo', Robert Crumb's 'Hup' comics, and much other worthy material that now is stored in boxes in my basement.

Back in the early 1990s, Fell's Point was gentrifying, but slowly, and the profuse commercialization that now marks the area didn't exist. There still was a seedy ambience to the neighborhood, and back then, crime wasn't anywhere near as bad as it is nowadays. So I could park my car on side streets and not risk having it broken in to, or being mugged walking around Fell's Point.

When I came away from Reptilian with several packs of the infamous 'True Crime' trading cards, issued in late 1992 by comics publisher Eclipse, it seemed right and proper that I acquired them in Fell's Point, and not in some more presentable, upscale vending place.......

I patronized Reptilian until I left Baltimore early in 1997. The store eventually left its Fell's Point location for a storefront on North Howard Street, and closed for good in January 2009. The store's somewhat eccentric owner, 'Chris X', aka Chris Neu, converted his operation to a mail order / online vendor. Reptilian continues to this day as a producer and publisher of punk rock as custom vinyl LPs, and CDs. Their Facebook page is here. 

I'd buy a Reptilian Records tee shirt, but the days when I could wear a XXL size comfortably are long gone............sigh.......

I guess the message is, treasure those offbeat, crowded, dimly lit, overly loud little stores and vendors who are dedicated to the fringes of popular culture, because they are places you really will miss when they close.

The Myron Fass Fan Club

The Myron Fass Fan Club

Jeff Goodman was a staffer at Countrywide Publications, the publishing company run by schlock magazine mogul Myron Fass (March 29, 1926 - September 14, 2006). 

Fass started in print media in the 1950s as an artist in comic books, before teaming up early in the 1960s with Stanley Harris to create a line of girlie magazines. 

Fass's stance of churning out magazines to emulate whatever else on the newsstands was selling well, was highly successful. During the 1970s and on into the 1980s, Countrywide titles devoted to horror, crime, UFOs, and all manner of ephemeral pop culture phenomena made the company one of the nation's most lucrative magazine publishers. In the mid-80s Fass moved to Florida and, using the name 'Merion Riley-Foss', launched a new magazine venture under the rubric of a company titled 'Creative Arts'. Fass died at age 80 in Fort Lauderdale.

Goodman maintains a Facebook page devoted to Fass and the schlock magazine publishing industry. He provides lots of vintage photographs, observations, and anecdotes about the personalities that worked at Countrywide and in print media at large during the 70s, 80s and 90s. 

Goodman's remarks often are humorous and affectionate, but at times, filled with pathos, too. This is his reminiscence of a late 1990s encounter with Penthouse publisher Bob Guccione's wife, and the editor of Omni magazine, Kathy Keeton:

One day I was at Guccione's Upstate NY mansion. I used to buy stolen bottles of wine from a Saint Mark's Place crackhead, and he sold me a crazy expensive bottle of Chateau d'Yquem for $10. I brought it to Guccione's house. He made a pasta lunch and I gave him the bottle of Chateau d'Yquem. From that moment on, my standing was highly elevated with Guccione.

 

I was walking around the house during an afternoon. It was terrible hot, a broiling summer day. I came across Kathy Keeton pulling weeds from her vegetable garden. She was furiously pulling the weeds, robotically, like a mad woman. She was drenched in sweat.

"I have all this." she said, pointing at the mansion, the pool, the gardens. "I have what I wanted and I'm going to die. I have cancer. Why am I going to die?"

Then she went back to furiously pulling weeds. I said something probably silly, something like "You never know what will happen. These things don't always go the way that doctors tell you."

I didn't know anything about cancer at the time. She didn't look sick. I don't really remember the rest of the day. I thought about this all that week.

A few months later, I saw Kathy Keeton on a TV show and she talked about how she was cured. She had hooked up with some quack who was giving her some sort of chemical that was a component of rocket fuel called hydrazine sulfate. She was beaming, she was sure she had been cured by the rocket fuel.

She dropped dead a week later.

Penthouse magazine March 1975

 Penthouse magazine, March 1975

Let's go back in time to March, 1975, where Spring is in the air, and the latest issue of Penthouse magazine is on the stands.

The 'Forum' showcases the usual deviants: 

The height of fashion is owning a pair of Dingo boots........made with denim (?!) and leather:

And, in those innocent days of 1975, you could mail-order counterfeit guns !

And, for a fee, a Real Artist could draw dirty pictures for you ! 

The Pictorials are very much all about the 'soft focus erotica' sensibility pioneered by David Hamilton..........

There's a pictorial featuring a supple young woman posing next to exercise equipment........?!

The articles feature a humorous piece, by Henry Morgan, on the Irish (March has St. Patrick's Day, after all). The illustration is by Mercer Mayer, who was well-known for illustrating the 'Great Brain' books, by John D. Fitzgerald, that were popular in the 1970s.

The Interview features writer and journalist Louis 'Studs' Terkel. Terkel, who carefully cultivated an image of himself as an ally of the Proletariat, has pretty much faded as a newsworthy personality, but back in '75, he was quite the social critic.

There's a piece penned by a self-titled 'male hustler'. I'm sure everything he says is true !

And for the cartoons, we have a proto-Beavis saying crude things to a bewildered child........?! Along with a 'gay' cartoon that likely would not pass muster nowadays.

And there you have it, vintage smut from 1975.